What is the right mindset for life? For theatre? For today?
I got called back to all three shows. For 5 characters. My confidence was high, I felt good about my second auditions, and I wasn't really nervous about getting cast. "Think positive," they said.
This morning, my name wasn't on a single list.
If there is something I know a lot about, it's rejection. I came from a high school where the lead roles went to the booster club president's daughter and all the other skinny chorus girls. I was never one of them. But I never gave up. I kept coming back, year after year, hoping that one day my terribly flighty, hardly talented director who never directed would see that I had talent.
One day she did. And it felt fantastic.
Something people keep telling us is that rejection is the common denominator in this industry. That we should let it roll off our backs, without giving it a single thought and moving on to the next audition. Without pain. Without feeling. Like rocks. Yet the moment we get onstage they want raw emotion, passion, love, anger, terror, sadness, soul ripping anguish. But not offstage. Turn it on. Turn it off. Control your emotions.
I can't do it. I took a few deep breaths and started bawling. The type of crying where you can't breathe right, and your eyes puff up, and you can't stop it no matter how hard you try.
People also keep telling me that it'll get easier. It doesn't.
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Have you ever thought about writing a one-woman show that you perform? You write really well; it might be something to consider.
ReplyDeleteWriters of course face the same rejection as actors. But somehow it is less personal. Image doesn't factor into the equation. How many times have you heard, "He looks the part?" What does that mean? Looks are a cliched as words. Bad casting is often type casting. Yet writers get rejection letters, or tons of notes about everything that is wrong with what they write. Writers can reject the rejections. And actors can try out for another parts. Still, it hurts. And it always will. When is stops hurting is when you probably need to start worrying.
This was a revealing and personally daring topic. I applaud your willingness to share and consequently build upon your experiences. That takes dedication to your art and understanding of what you are capable of and what you want in your field.
ReplyDeleteFurthering Dr. Kohn's comment on rejections and the pain they inevitably inflict upon us, if you're work - be it acting, writing, or any of the arts - doesn’t hurt when discarded, you have not put your best into it. If you can blow off being told you just don’t cut, then you already know that. A real piece of work, into which you pour your heart and soul, becomes a part of you and being told that this extension of you just doesn’t cut is a painful affront to weather.
Keep working and pushing through using this experience to better yourself, to learn from your mistakes, and to forge a better actress. One of my favorite quotes, while specific to writing is applicable to any area, goes “If I told you that you’re tenth screenplay would be good, would you still write the other nine?” It seems that both you, in your casting rejection, and me, in my flop of a film, are still working on that first set, striving for that one that we finally do right.
My apologies for the length and my tendency to ramble.
Your writing is really impressive and I applaud you for opening up in this piece. I have always admired people on stage and from your writing, I am now admiring your determination and strenght.
ReplyDeleteI have faced rejection quite often in my short life. But it is what one does after rejection that makes us who we are. So, continue to stand tall and remember that rejection always tends to make us stonger...